IOC: All Future Olympic Torch Relays to be Held in Singapore (satirical article from talkingcock.com.. which is farking funny btw)

As protests continue to dog China’s Olympic Torch relay worldwide, the International Olympic Committee is considering holding all future relays in Singapore.

“Singapore did a magnificent job managing the protests during the IMF/World Bank meeting,” said IOC spokesman Trub Elsom. “We think they might do just as well with the Youth Olympics and also the Olympic Torch relay. We can’t have a repeat of this year’s cockup.”

The suggested route will begin in Pasir Ris, pass through various Singapore neighbourhoods, and end in the new ‘Jurong Lake District’ that the Gahmen is preparing.

Runners, who will come from all over the world, will see all the beautiful sights as they run. “Or at least what they can see that’s not obscured by riot police and gurkhas,” said Mr. Elsom.

“We really welcome this proposal,” said Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports spokesman Thiam Lah Ler. “We’re glad that the world is appreciating Singapore’s system. We’ll do everything in our power to make sure the Olympic Torch relay here goes smoothly, including closing roads, setting up barricades, mobilizing NSmen to serve as security, banning peasants from gawking, and locking up Chee Don Juan.”

If passed by the IOC, the Olympic Torch relay will begin in Singapore in 2012, in tandem with the London Olympics. “This isn’t incongruous at all,” said Mr. Thiam. “After all, Singapore is run by someone whom former British foreign secretary George Brown called, ‘the finest Englishman east of the Suez’.”

However, critics say that while organized and orderly, Singapore is perhaps not the best country to be associated with the most important event in sports. Said Mr. D. Sidden, a political activist, “I’m not sure Singapore gets the competitive spirit of sports. Look at their entire society – they claim to be meritocratic where the best person wins, but in reality, certain favoured people get a headstart.”

Still, most Singaporeans are cheered by the news, especially the bookie industry.

Said Bukit Gorblok resident Chia Yew, “I really hope that in 2012 we get to host the Olympic Torch relay. And also finally find Mas Selamat Kastari.”

Disclaimer : I kop this article in the name of good fun.. I still love Singapore.. woohoo.. if someone in China ever set up this kinda site.. he would be crushed immediately.. crush the foreign devils.. and then crush the incompetent disobeying traitorish fly..