thinking about life again, I start to wonder, maybe the creation of all living things on earth serves a more inanimate purpose. Or maybe it serves as a test for another cause only known to our creator. If this is the case, then we should ponder less on what lies out there and the meaning of human beings, and concentrate on more worldly pursuits instead of out of this world grasping.

It's like, an engineer needs not know about the financial contractual terms in order to do his job. Knowing more of which might interfere with his professional judgement in designing a safe building.

And then it got me thinking. I want to make a difference to this world. I may, and I may not. Like many other like-minded people out there, only a few do actually make it happen. But of course, we are here to make up the numbers so that statistics can sieve out the good ones.

But what I really want, for myself, is not recognition for something great which society appreciates. I want someone who I can truly say is the best thing that has happened in my life. I want to turn the idea of a happy family life into unique people who expand on that.

Sometimes, I picture myself doing a job I love, working day and night, proudly calling myself a workaholic, being able to tell my wife "dearie, sorry for not showing up, thanks for really understanding my work". It's a nice idea. Like the american dream, it's a life dream.

But wait a minute, no, that's not what I truly want. I do not want to love my job so much that I stop loving the ones who matter most. I now understand, between a million dollar salary and a 40k salary, I'll take whichever lets me spend time with my family.

With the strange marriage of my parents in mind, I conclude that I will not marry unless I am ready to throw away all my personal posessions just to be able to be with her. Treasuring posessions over your partner will surely result in quarrels of blaming each other for hurting the posession.

But ah well, this is a very idealistic view of life. I just hope I adhere to it as much as I can. This is one thing I envy about many Malay families. They are willing to jangan tension in some stuff just so their families are happy.